Sophia God

When I refer to God nowadays, I often say Sophia God. For me, that phrase matches the vibrational tones that connect me to the essence which I know as myself. There is a simultaneous connection and…


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Patient or Scared?

The fine line of being patient or Scared to do something.

I am 38 years old now. Just turned that age earlier this month. Throughout my entire life, I have considered myself a patient person. I work hard and have waited for opportunities to come my way. I never really disrupted anyone or pushed anything. Just kept my head down, worked, and did my thing.

At a certain point, this being the point, I finally wondered to myself whether I was not so much patient as I was scared to do things. Ya, I go to work, talk to people, mostly digitally now, I do speak up from time to time in meetings but most of the time I am just there to do what is asked of me.

I have adopted this position in all of my life. If I have to do something for someone else, I work hard and get it done to the best of my abilities as I never wanted to disappoint anyone who trusted me to do a thing. When it comes to my own life, I just have not taken risks. I don't mean risks like jumping out of a plane but risks like striving for more out of my life.

I have never really had a dream or vision. I just always knew I needed to work hard and pay my bills. Take care of whoever I was with and make sure that in general I could be depended on. We always do these “Ice breakers” in meetings and one of the common ones is “What did you want to be growing up?” and I always just make something up because I never did. I was always easygoing and never pushed myself out of my comfort zones. I never tried to be more or even learn something more than whatever it is I was working on.

I always say to anyone who will listen, that I want to do my own thing, be my own person and have my business but I literally have no idea what that is. Even now, I am reading and learning a lot about all of this and one of the main items I read about is making a vision and it is really hard for me. I know I want certain things out of my life. I know I want to be financially stable, not living paycheque to paycheque. Not having to worry about where I will get enough money to fix a car or take a trip. I would love to own my own home, one large enough so I can help take care of my Dad. I want to be healthy, I am way too unhealthy and overweight right now and that needs to be fixed. So I do have these as goals.

Of course, I know how to get healthy. Don’t eat garbage food and make sure to get some exercise is the basics. Shocking right? But when it comes to my career or work and finances, I feel like I am spinning tires. I know me, when I feel like I don't know, I resort to doing what I do know. Put my head down and work. Don't over-extend myself. Don't put myself out there. Don’t rock the boat.

There is the saying, “Good things come to those who wait.” and to some extent, I am sure there is truth to that. I have been waiting for 38 years. It’s finally time for me to stop waiting, stop being patient and go out and get what I want and need. Whatever that is.

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